Insomnia

I woke up before 4 this morning. Hungry. What's new!?

I like being awake early in the morning. It's a good time to think. The world is so quiet and the light outside is eerie against the snow. I like to hear my sweet boy breathing softly, occasionally snorting, beside me. I am so in love. A little critter wriggles in my belly. Yes. I am so in love.

My house smells funny, like someone else's furniture. Kind of like when you do your laundry at your in-laws'. I'd better wipe down those craigslist finds and see if I can't freshen things up a bit. What else do I have to do today?

-Work out--may or may not happen.
-Get homeowner's insurance--I think I've found the cheapest policy.
-Close out our IRAs and move everything to checking--we're about to be very poor!
-Meet my midwife for the first time--I'm so glad she took me on, even at 33 weeks. Did I just say 33 weeks?! Holy cabooses. I'm about to be a mom!
-Make dinner.
-Go to the temple with my sweetheart--once this little lady comes, it may be a while before I can go again. My burgeoning belly won't fit into my temple dress, but they say they can find something for me to wear!

I remember back to just about one year ago. Life was perfect. I was pregnant then, too. But I wasn't feeling so well. We were having dinner and a movie at Thomas and Melissa's when I realized I was miscarrying. I sat, crying, on one side of the bathroom door, Melissa, crying, on the other. Chace and I didn't make it to our temple shift the next day.

How long ago that seems. A lifetime ago. I'm sure the passage of time has dulled the pain of that episode, but even now as I think back on it, I remember the overwhelming feeling: "All is well." Unpleasant as it was, we were okay. Chace was an angel in every way, of course. And Melissa fed us well for days and days! And how relieved I was to be back in the temple the next week, the place where we learn who we are and why we're here and that there's a Master Sorter-Outer who knows me and what's going on in my life. Because of my experiences in that sacred place, I never had to wonder if it would all work out. I knew it would, somehow. Just like I knew it was no coincidence that we were with Thomas and Melissa that night--the closest thing to a brother and sister around--someone for me to cry with, someone to put a strong hand on Chace's shoulder. Just like I also knew it was no coincidence that we were allowed to be temple workers that semester, even though we couldn't commit to the usually-required 6 months. The temple presidency bent the rules for us, and I know that those 6 hours a week made all the difference.

Now, again, life is perfect. Not because I deserve it, and not even because it really is, but because I know there is a perfect Father and His perfect Son in charge of it all. And even when it's not perfect, it's okay. I'm trying. And He knows. And it all works out.

I can't wait for tonight!